Painting with Light

2010-07-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

One Moment

2010-07-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look at my reflection in the mirror and don’t recognize the eyes staring back at me. Who is that person, hidden in there?

Embrace the “now"...

It is to snatch that feeling of being fully alive that I am reckless, if for only the tiniest glimmer of a moment. But never can I feel so alive as when I separate from the “me” created to please the world, let loose the hurricane inside, and grab hold and live, feel, breathe, touch, this moment; this reality; this now.

Wake up.

Sometimes I want to grab the person I see in the mirror and shake them.

I learn a lot about myself, continually. And I wonder. Will it ever stop? I think not. I think this creation of myself will never stop. That’s what it is—a creation.

We can not dig through murky waters of our pasts to discover who we are, who we were meant to be. That person, good or bad, is gone. Trying to “get him back” leaves us in a fragmented state, growth stunted, blind to anything but that elusive version of ourselves we perceive to have been the “real” or “right" version.

All of life is an evolutionary process. To not periodically shed the old skin and recreate ourselves into something new is tragedy, I think. Fear. Holding too tightly to the assumed security of the past. We are not who we were yesterday, or a year ago, or before this or that happened. To try to be is not the task. It’s about who we will be in an hour, tomorrow, a year from now, but most of all, who we will be right now.

This moment.

Because this moment is all we have.

2010-05-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

Gone Raw.

2010-03-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

Precisely seventeen days ago, I embarked on a new sort of adventure known as raw veganism (I have to keep some form of adventure in my life at all times, for the sake of sanity). What exactly does that entail? Well, let me explain.

For the past seventeen days, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies, with the occasional nut and sprout thrown in. Nothing cooked. No meat. Dairy. Grains. Ice cream.

It’s been great fun.

I feel like I have to spend large portions of every day stuffing my face to get in the required number of calories. Fruits & veggies are extremely low cal, so think about it…

Here’s a sample day of food:

10 bananas

2 bags of spinach

1 bag of grapes

2 mangoes

1 head of broccoli

1 avocado

5 pears

1 cantaloupe

This is what I have learned.

1. Eating cooked food keeps you warm in a way you don’t realize until it’s not.

2. People give you really odd looks when you take your lunch break at work and pull ten bananas out of your bag and proceed to eat them, one after one.

3. Staying stocked up on that much fresh produce is impossibly expensive.

4. I like meat.

So. This recent venture will probably end sometime in the (very) near future (unless, that is, someone from a banana plantation happens to read this and decide to start sending me crates of bananas every week…)

But, it’s been a good journey.

Steak, please?

Drops of Dew

2010-02-14T14:04:00.000-08:00

Flakes...

2010-02-12T21:46:00.000-08:00

This is Charleston.

It's not supposed to snow.

And it doesn't, usually.

It hasn't really snowed since 1989.

But last night, it did.

It snowed hard.

It was wet, it was cold, and it was beautiful.

It made for a fairytale wedding.

Once upon a time...

2010-02-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

...There was a girl named Ireland.

She was, without a doubt, one of the most mischievous little girls ever born.

Feet.

2010-02-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

Foggy Light

2010-02-04T17:25:00.000-08:00

-A Portrait-

2010-01-30T17:53:00.000-08:00

Explorations

2010-01-28T17:29:00.000-08:00

Tiny Details

2010-01-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

..An Ancient Promise..

2010-01-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

Princess Bride

2010-01-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

I think that at least once in her lifetime, every girl ought to be able to feel like a princess.

Just to know what it feels like.

What does that mean?

It means to feel attractive in a world that most of the time makes you feel decidedly unattractive.

Special.

Valuable.

Secure in the identity of an inherent worth.

What does it look like?

It can look like anything, I think--that's the beauty of it.

But today, it looked like this.

A Princess Bride.

She is truly lovely, with or without a bridal gown.

But, sometimes the truth can seem--to us-- to be buried under layers and layers of other feelings and is unable to be felt at all.

Not that I'd know, but I'd imagine that satin and pearls help it to be felt a little more clearly.

Just a guess.

I hope that for the two hours we spent together, at least, Cheryl felt like the most beautiful princess in the world.

And I hope that every time she sees the photographs, she'll remember what it felt like.

..Sand..

2010-01-11T15:59:00.000-08:00

Summer would be a great time to be jobless, due to the extreme proximity of some of the most gorgeous beaches I have ever seen in my life. But a jaunt to the beach is lovely any time of year, even in the dead of winter (winter, of course, being a relative term…)

I never realize how windy it is until I’m on the island, and my camera and I were nearly blown away today. The beach was a haze of blowing sand as fine as sugar. In just a few months, that same sand will be baked by the sun until it’s a danger to incautious toes. I can’t wait.

Flickers of Light

2010-01-08T15:51:00.000-08:00

There’s something about candles that whispers a soothing peace into the atmosphere.

But beyond the aesthetic appeal, they are an absolute necessity in my light-less, lamp-less room. If the house ever goes up in smoke, I take full responsibility. But in the meantime, the Chez Luz will be a place of numerous little glows and peace and a cacophony of scents that jumble together to be entirely indecipherable.

2010-01-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

My brother is visiting me this week. Ridiculously photogenic, he humors me by allowing me to photograph him. Repeatedly.

He also helped me paint the ocean on my wall. He is spectacular.

Icicles, Icicles

2010-01-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

This pitiful flower stopped me in my tracks on my morning run. I can totally feel its pain, even though I don’t have icicles hanging from me. The new year has brought an unexpected temperature drop that not even the bright sunshine can make up for.

An Uncertain Sort of Stability

2010-01-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

Signing that lease was the scariest thing I’ve done all year. Granted, the year is only four days old, but the terror will no doubt linger throughout the rest of 2010, springing up at the most unexpected of moments to make my heart skip a beat.

But after I shove the terror out of sight, it is replaced by something that, in all of its trepidation and expectation, resembles excitement.

This gypsy won’t be living out of a suitcase this year. Who would have thought?

Jade

2010-01-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

I brought the ocean into my room today. It’s called Jade, is smeared all over my hands and feet, and smells of paint; but in my mind it’s the crashing waves of an ocean that will allow my restless heart to feel a bit more at home.

Home. I feel like an alien stuck in the midst of a mess of boxes and dust and chaos. I’ve come to the realization that I dislike moving, unless it involves simply packing one’s belongings into a suitcase and skipping continents.

Too cluttered.

..A Change of Scenery..

2010-01-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

Today, the three of us chicas pack our lives and dreams into a frightfully large truck and move across town to a little street called Lakeside.

No more running to catch the sunset from Pitt Street Bridge.

No more boasting of being "just around the corner" from Sully's.

But we will still be close to the beach.

There will still be a palm tree outside the kitchen window.

So, it will be alright.

Project 365

2010-01-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

I only have one formal goal for the year.

[Besides learning to surf and being able to make my rent payments every month.]

A Picture a Day…all 365 days of 2010.

I’m off to a rough start, thanks to an injury suffered by my camera on our flight to Indiana for the holiday that has resulted in him being out of my life for the next month. However, that complication simply makes way for greater creativity and ingenuity.

It will be called Project365 and you are welcome to come along for the journey, or to sit out until 2011 when the picture frenzy has passed. Either way, we will be here, my camera and I, capturing snippets of life as we walk out the year.

They may occasionally be great. More often, they will probable be completely random and sometimes even quite horrid. But rather than a project of artistic precision, it is to be a project of documentation and seeing.

2009-08-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

My days in Africa have been flying by, and an update is long overdue. The internet connection that I regularly use is too slow to allow for blog updates, so today I set out determined to find an internet cafe with a better connection.

Random excerpts from my life the past month and a half:

I spent my first week(s) back in Cape Town in bed, thanks to a bacteria I picked up from some sketchy drinking water in the TransKei.
I have snagged three illegal first-class train rides, all of them accidents
I have grown accustomed to sleeping in four layers of clothing, hat, and mittens
I've forgotten what it feels like to be consistently warm
I eliminated peanut butter as the core of my diet (and my existence)
I've visited the place where the Indian and Atlantic oceans join
I've discovered the best banana pancakes in the world
I've determined that my hair, at its current stage of growth, resembles a shaggy dog
I've learned that being a missionary doesn't miraculously transform you into some sort of "Christian Superhero"

Since returning from the overland trip on July 27, I have been staying at a hostel near the YWAM base in Muizenberg. Getting "plugged in" has seemed like a rather long process--there are so many needs and opportunities to get involved with various ministries in the larger Cape Town area that it has been overwhelming at times. My daily activities have varied widely and taken me to all different parts of the city, whether it's to do street ministry, interview fishermen about pay inequalities, speak to a youth group about sexual purity, sort bags of donated clothes to be distributed to the community, or tutor students at an orphanage.

The other day I was thinking about my last-minute decision to do the DTS and my preparation to leave for Hawaii. It is crazy to find myself at the other end now, with only ten days of ministry left and the six months almost gone. The past months have seen times of learning and growing, ministering and having fun, challenges and triumphs. The most valuable thing that I will take away is a new depth in my relationship with my Creator, and I hope that out of that, I will have left something behind in Africa, as well.

2009-08-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the month, our team split into smaller groups, based on the areas of ministry in which we wanted to be involved. My group has been focusing on raising awareness about human trafficking, which is a huge issue in South Africa and is becoming an even bigger one because of the 2010 World Cup. We have spent numerous hours researching, talking to organizations that deal with trafficking, hanging awareness posters around the city, and talking to people to raise awareness. As we have delved deeper into this issue, it has been heartbreaking to see the dark reality of trafficking in this country...

Most human trafficking is done for the purpose of sexual exploitation
27 million people have been victims of human trafficking
Most trafficking victims are girls between 5 to 15 years of age
1.2 million children are trafficked annually: 1/2 of those children are African
Trafficking is a $33.9 billion industry
The U.S. State Department estimates that 100,000 people will be trafficked into South Africa for the 2010 World Cup
Between 28,000 to 30,000 children are currently being prostituted in South Africa: 1/2 of these children are younger than 14
Children as young as four are prostituted

I cannot look at these numbers as just statistics; each number has a face, a name, a life. Not a single one goes unnoticed by the Creator. "Slavery" is often talked of as a thing of the past, but there is more slavery in the world today than at any other point in history. I wonder, in our modern world that boasts of freedom and equality, how has this been allowed to happen?

2009-07-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

The Journey...

...Through My Eyes

*A month-long overland journey up the coast of Southern Africa*

July 2, 2009

"One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things."

Our first stop of the journey is at the small coastal community of Victoria Bay. We are staying in safari tents in the middle of a mountainside, surrounded by trees, solitude, and monkeys.

I am blessed, in every moment, simply by the vibrancy of being alive. There is magic in every breath of wind, every rustling branch, every bird's whisper, every stroke of the Painter's brush across the sky.

Beauty.

Magic.

Life, in its rawest form.

That people go through their lives without fully awakening their senses to experience and engage and live is one of the greatest tragedies in the world.

Peace. I am enveloped in it, as the sun casts its final glow across the day. Life, for this brief moment, is perfect.

July 9, 2009

I was up before the sun to witness its awakening... it was surreal, casting brilliant hues of light across the sky, their reflections turning the sea into a glistening mirror of color. It was entrancing...

one of those moments when life stops and you forget to breathe.

I went on a safari today. It was a journey that cannot be adequately described with words.

July 10, 2009

We crossed over the Kei today, entering the Transkei area where we will spend the rest of the month. We crossed the bridge on foot, praying as we entered the territory.

The change is drastic...dry, arid landscape; mud huts; no white people anywhere; poverty; women in long skirts or colorful dresses carrying water on their heads; animals roaming free; barefooted children running alongside the road, waving as we pass...

...it is beautiful.

"A traveler without observation is a bird without wings."

-Moslih Eddin Saadi

July 15, 2009

I think you cannot truly know that a world like this exists until you actually see it.

There are so many thoughts to think; sometimes my head is not big enough for them all.

July 16, 2009

The Peach Hut

I sit on the doorstep of a mud hut in Lubanzi watching the sunlight play tricks across the valley. It is a peach-colored hut. It smells of paint and must and cow dung. It is my home for the next eleven days.

The Peach Hut sits atop a mountain, overlooking the sea on one side and a valley on the other, with cows and donkeys and sheep wandering freely, littering the ground with future flooring material.

Lubanzi is a world removed from the world I left... It is a world where time is marked by the rising of the sun and the returning home of the sheep; a world where candles are a necessity rather than a festivity; a world where a "shower" consists of a small basin of water carried up from the river; a world where light switches and faucets and stoves and televisions do not exist.

We hiked 21K's along the coast to get here; up mountains, down mountains, across long stretches of deserted sandy beaches, over rocks jutting up from the sea, alongside pods of dolphins...

It is an hour and a half walk to the village of Zithulele... a walk I will become very familiar with over the next week as I work in the village's HIV/AIDS clinic and the pediatric ward at the Zithulele Hospital.

July 19, 2009

Today my friend and I led Sunday School for a group of 70 Zithulele children. They had no chairs to set on the dung floor, no brightly-lit classroom, no craft materials, no books, and no marker board, but they were the most enthusiastic sunday school group I have ever seen.

July 23, 2009

Winter has descended with fury... the wind howled around the peach hut all night; I feared it would be picked up and hurled into the ocean. Such a terrible clamor... our hut is unusual in that it has a tin rather

than a thatched roof, and it makes a dreadfully frightful racket in the wind. We made a painstakingly long drive to the clinic this morning, under the cover of a menacingly dark sky... so cold.

July 24, 2009

There is one little girl that has completely captured my heart... she is in the malnutrition room, but also has TB. She is nine, but looks to be about four, and is the most frail child I have ever seen... I don't know how she could weigh more than 20 pounds. Every bone sticks out; her thighs are as tiny as my wrists; her wrists are no more than an inch wide... every part of her body looks elongated, because it is so narrow. She has long lashes and the most hauntingly beautiful eyes in the world, huge in her tiny face. She is shy, but will occasionally peer up at me with a little smile...

There is no spark in her, but she is so incredibly beautiful...

July 25, 2009

We cooked dinner for our hosts this evening... they have been very generous throughout our time here, feeding us four dinners of milli-pop and chicken. We invited them all into the hut after dinner to watch Spiderman on a laptop run off of the truck battery. They were mesmerized, despite not being able to understand a single word. It was a unique experience, all of us crowded into a mud hut in the middle of the Transkei, 20 English speakers, 15 Xhosa speakers, lots of body odor...

I am realizing how privileged my life has been, simply for having experienced flipping on a light switch... little things you never even think about until you live for two weeks without them... but I could not say "my life"--or the western world--is "better"... and I have developed a deep respect for these people and their way of life. A person's level of happiness is not dependent on whether they live in a two-story house in Suburbia or a mud hut in the Transkei, which is made obvious by the number of both happy and terribly unhappy people living in both worlds.

July 26, 2009

With every step we take, we are writing our past...

We crossed back over the Kei today, in the same way that we entered, walking by foot across the bridge. It was a unique collision of two times, past and present, every step I took in the present mirroring the steps I took 16 days ago, except that the unknown that I was walking toward then is now in the past; fixed, unmovable, imprinted on the pages of my memory, but never to live again. Time is such a curious thing... so fleeting, and the only dimension we can live in is

the briefest thing in the world...the past and the future are huge expanses of time (or can seem so), but the present--what we live in--is ever escaping us to take its place in the past. We cannot slow, or stop it, but I think that for the most part we are unaware of it...

Beginnings...

2009-07-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

Over the past ten days, Team South Africa has been slowly winding our way up the Eastern Coast in an oversized yellow "truck", on the first part of our month-long overland adventure with Cross Country Missions.

We've made stops in Victoria Bay, Jeffrey's Bay and Cintsa, and are currently in the Transkei region in a small coastal town called Port St. Johns.

The primary language spoken in the areas we will be visiting during the rest of the month is Xhosa, a language filled with pops and clicks that make for interesting truck rides as we all practice our clicking skills.

Our ministry has taken a variety of forms--weeding gardens, ministering to street kids, making connections with people through our cameras, praying Scripture out over a region from a mountain top, street evangelism, and sharing God's love to kids by joining them in their national sport, soccer.

We have had the opportunity to experience a wide variety of South African-style worship, from the very colorful and eclectic Jeffreys Bay YWAM base worship to the liturgical formality of an Anglican service (conducted entirely in Xhosa).

It has been a delight to be able to see and experience more of the contrasts that exist in South Africa, and we have been filled with excitement and hope as we imagine what God envisions for this land and these beautiful people.

2009-07-01T05:09:00.000-07:00

After 40 of the longest travel hours of my life... I am in Africa!

I will not even attempt to describe with words the beauty of Cape Town, because I would fail miserably.

It is a city of contrasts; it seems that when God painted Cape Town on the canvas of the world, He chose from some of His best creations and put them all together in this one place... I have felt as if I were on a mountain top in the Swiss Alps, on an endless stretch of white sand beach in the Caribbean, in the heart of third-world Africa, and even in Paris' Montmartre... all on the same day.

Our team will be leaving tomorrow on an "overland" journey up the coast. I would appreciate your prayers, specifically along the following points:

-It is quite a bit colder than we anticipated; there is no heating anywhere, and many of us "freeze" our way through the nights. Coming from Hawaii's hot temperatures, this is quite a shock...please pray we stay healthy!

-Team unity... we will be spending the next 30 days together living out of a cramped bus (with no access to showers for much of the time :-) )

-Keeping our focus on God regardless of our circumstances is so key in effecting our ability to share God's love. Please pray that the next 30 days are a time of drawing closer to the Lord and learning to walk in His presence as a lifestyle, unhindered by distractions.

Life.

2009-06-18T01:31:00.000-07:00

I want the fabric of my life to be woven by the skilled hands of the one who created me.

Life is a patchwork of twists and turns, unexpected endings and beginnings, choices and decisions... As I look back over the past year of my life, and in particular the last few months, I am amazed by the Lord's faithfulness to me. I am grateful that I am here, that I am living this reality rather than any other.

Time is a strange thing, one of the most binding aspects of our physical reality.Three months ago, my orderly seam of life was disrupted and I faced a great unknown (which has now become some of the best three months of my life). Three months from now lies another great unknown. I feel like the author of my life is writing with an invisible pen; as I walk, the path appears. But right now, I am directly in the middle. The end of one season, the beginning of the next. The past three months have been extraordinary. Jesus said that He came to give "life, and life abundantly." If I had to sum up what took place in my life since I arrived here, that would be it. Six days from now I will board a plane for Africa to share that life with the masses of humanity, one person at a time.

As I contemplate the next step of this journey, the greatest prayer on my heart is that I would continue to daily "die" to myself, that He would be more in me and I would be less. I have nothing to offer on my own. Throughout the past couple weeks, this realization has been rather discouraging to me at times, and has even made me wonder what I am doing here. But it is not a reason for discouragement; it is simply a truth. It is why I am called (as is every believer) to surrender my life so that through Christ I can truly live, and enable people to see, hear, and touch Jesus reflected through me.

The calling of Jesus is really a rather simple one. To serve. To love. To have compassion. We are not asked to do anything He did not do; but we are asked to do what He did do.... to relinquish our rights and desires, and to live and love in a way that seems like complete madness to the world. It is my earnest desire to remain free from the shackles of passivity that paralyze me from being the hands and feet of Jesus to the world around me, and I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to walk this out.

Grace.

2009-05-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

I have never sat still for a few hours and simply thought about grace. But yesterday, I did. During those few hours I laughed, I cried, I wondered, I imagined, and I felt rather like a child who one day realizes that he has failed to completely unwrap a gift given him long ago, tearing off only enough of the paper to see what is inside, but stopping before reaching the treasure.

We have been saved by grace alone.

All that is asked of us is to lay down our lives at the feet of the King.

Grace.

A free gift that is so often not freely accepted. Why? It is a gift of forgiveness, of life for eternity in place of death and punishment. Why do we struggle to add something more to it, or say that it is not enough? Why do we continue to walk with a head hung in shame when God has cast our sins as far as the east is from the west and made us into a new, blameless creation?

Grace. It is the greatest gift we have been given, and so many of us barely unwrap it.

Grace. It is the gift of life as it was meant to be, lived in intimate relationship with our Maker. Pure, raw, radical, supernatural, life-changing grace that was won by a journey that led from the light of heaven to a bloodbath of brutality to the depths of hell and back again.

Grace. It is a gift that was won by the ultimate sacrifice, but a gift that is freely given if we will only believe, unwrap, and step into the new life it makes possible.

To cling to feelings of failure or inadequacy or shame is to insult the sacrifice made at the cross. It is a scandalous gift that changed the course of history. It is our only hope of salvation, but it is more than that. It is the key that unlocks the door to a life of relationship and freedom and power and raw, radical love. It swings open the door between us and our Creator and bridges the chasm between. It gives us a glimpse of His power and love and nature that is more than enough to cause us to run hard after Him for all of eternity.

A single glimpse, and life is changed forever.

A single glimpse, and we are wasted for anything but loving Him with all our lives.

A single glimpse, and laying down our lives becomes a joy.

To try to add to grace takes away its power to truly and radically transform our lives, because the essence of grace is its complete sufficiency. It is enough. It has no need for further striving or works on our part. It requires us to humble ourselves and accept it freely, admitting that we are incapable of attaining salvation by any amount of merit or good works, humbling ourselves at the foot of the cross and looking with all of our strength to Jesus... for only when we take our eyes fully off of ourselves will we be able to put them fully on God and understand the depth of the wonder and possibilities given us through grace.

THE BUG.

2009-05-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

This blog post is not about God or photography, nor is it related to anything that I usually write about.

It is about a very big bug.

Last night I was sitting on my bed after a very long photography class, working on my laptop, when I felt the sheet on my bed moving. I looked over, and a cockroach of extraordinary size scurried past.

I am accustomed to cockroaches of extraordinary size jumping out from unexpected places when I am sorting garbage for campus "recycling". It is a garbage dump; they belong there. But in my bed? No.

Normally my bed is bug free, although since arriving in Hawaii I've shared my bed with spiders, fleas, mosquitos, and a variety of OUBs (Other Unidentifiable Bugs). It's not that big of a problem, I can share my space.

BUT.

Cockroaches are on an entirely different level. They come in a variety of sizes, but this one was four inches in length, from antenna to end. You would probably be unable to imagine in your mind the sort of creature I am trying to describe, so here's a picture of a similar cockroach.

They do not make good bedmates.

All in all it's not really a big deal. I will be a missionary whether or not there are cockroaches in my bed.

But, I'd prefer to be a missionary without cockroaches in my bed. So as you get into your own bed tonight, I'd really appreciate it if you'd take a minute to pray that God would keep the cockroaches out of mine.

Reason for Existence.

2009-05-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

Jesus continues to shatter my passive existence on a daily basis.

The other day I was thinking about how nothing that I am feeling or going through in my day-to-day life changes the reality of who God is for me or His lovingkindness to me or my relationship with Him.

He is constant.

Unchanging.

Always faithful.

He says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." If I feel disconnected or distanced from Him, it is because I have distanced myself from Him by focusing on what's going on around me. As a result, I lose sight of reality--my reality with my Maker. He has chosen me, He chooses me every moment of every day. He loves me, and longs for me. That is reality. Reality is that He is always with me, even when I mess up or get distracted by what is going on in my life. He never leaves. I can always rest in His presence, even if I feel overwhelmed with life or like I can't stop messing up. Those are the times I need to cling to Him the most, rather than pull back and feel like I need to straighten things out on my own before I can approach Him... I need to focus on the reality of me and God in constant relationship. Everything else is just a shadow; an apparition that fades in the reality of the presence of God and His love for me. He is not looking for people who have it all together, He is looking for people who will keep choosing Him.

I cannot do it on my own.

I need Him.

But, that's how He designed it to be.

He created me to be in relationship with Him every day of my life. He wants to complete me. He wants to be strong where I am weak. He wants to fulfill me. He wants to be the one that I cling to... all the time, not just when things are good. He wants me to cling to Him in my sin, in my hardships, in my struggles. He wants us to be one, inseparable. He wants me to lose myself in Him.

Updates...

2009-05-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of learning and busyness and vog and photography and Jesus' life-changing presence... and I have been lax in updating. I cannot believe that the half-way point of the DTS lecture phase has come and gone--the days are flying by. Only a short time ago I had no intentions of moving to Hawaii for three months to be trained with YWAM, but I thank God every day for the events that changed the direction of my life path and brought me here. Sometimes it is in the most unexpected happenings of life that we look back and see the fingerprints of God most clearly. One of the characteristics of God that I have been contemplating lately is His jealousy. I don't think it is a characteristic of God that is examined or discussed very often, but I am so grateful for the evidence of it in my life.

Over the weekend, our PhotogenX community traveled north a couple of hours to Maka Pala for two days of teaching, relationship building, fun, and (my favorite part) a reprieve from the food on base.

Gekkos are one of my favorite parts of Hawaii. And there were lots in Maka Pala!

PhotogenX 2009 DTS Community

Beginning this week, our lectures will focus on preparation for our upcoming outreach and future mission work. Whereas the first six weeks were focused "internally" on building our personal relationships with Christ and gaining freedom in our lives, the final six weeks will focus on ministering "externally" to others.

Our departure date has been finalized for June 25, and we will arrive in Cape Town on June 27. Our first thirty days of outreach will involve an overland trip around the country, ministering in different villages as well as working with hospitals, youth programs, building projects, church planting, etc. My outreach fees are due on May 28--it has been so encouraging to see the Lord's provision thus far. I am still trusting the Lord to provide $3400 by May 28, and would appreciate your prayers as I prepare to have several fundraisers on base later this week. God's faithfulness has brought me this far, and I am confident that He will see me the rest of the way through.

One of my favorite parts of the DTS lecture phase has been our book assignments. These have been an awesome supplement to our lectures and given me a lot to think about as I am seeking to know Jesus for who He really is. I thought I would post our book list, for those of you who are interested...

-Is That Really You, God? (by Loren Cunningham)

-Making Jesus Lord (by Loren Cunningham)

-Irresistible Revolution (by Shane Claiborne)

-Living Together (by Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

-Sex God (by Rob Bell)

Passivity.

2009-05-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

"We were made to live with hearts set on fire,

exhilarated with the reality of God in our lives."

-Kristin Williams

In some parts of the world, the forces of darkness are observably in action, and more visible in everyday life than they are in our society. However, I believe that there is a deadly disease spreading through the modern western church, and its invisibility is what makes it so destructive.

Passivity.

Passiveness is so deadly to the Christian's life. It creeps in unawares, and renders a person completely ineffective for the Kingdom. Not only this, but it robs us of the relationship we were created for: a relationship with hearts set aflame with love for our Maker.

Where the work of the enemy is not clearly visible, "cozy" Christianity thrives. The enemy seeks to infect the lives of Christians with passivity, causing them to settle for "cozy" Christianity that appeases their consciences and gives them assurance of salvation, but keeps them from waking up to their destiny as radical followers of God. Western society is a breeding ground for this seemingly invisible tactic of the enemy.

We live in a society where comfort and security are emphasized above all else; we like things to be tangible, so I think we (the church, broadly) have created an image/idea of who Jesus is that we can grasp...an image/idea that enables us to remain passive and live a safe, comfortable life without feeling guilty. We want to have Jesus and a comfortable, secure life. But I am thinking that they are opposites... and we cannot serve both God and mammon. Jesus was a homeless man. He spent His time with the poor, the prostitutes, the sick, the people looked down on by society... He was scorned by the "righteous" people of the day who lived comfortable lives of passivity... and He had some pretty intense things to say about them, what with comparing them to "white washed sepulchers" and such. He was a gentle radical, understood by fools but an enigma to the wise. He was opposite of what everyone expected...and, I think, maybe opposite of the image so many Christians think He is.

The issue is not about having homes or careers or wealth... it is about allowing passiveness to prevent a follower of Christ from stepping out in action to be a radical lover and servant of God. Jesus needs people who are willing to die to themselves so that He can live and be glorified through them, both in the suburbs of the western world and the slums of Mumbai. He does not promise followers a life of comfort; on the contrary, He instructs them to "crucify" their flesh, give up their hold on worldly security, and surrender everything in order to pursue Him with reckless abandon.

"If you are living a Christian life that makes sense to your mind,

then you are not living the Christian life."

I feel like I am waking up from a hibernation that I did not even know I was in, and now am literally starving for more of Jesus. More of His presence. More of His truth. More of His love. I am consumed by a desperation to discover the real Jesus, and to know what it means to be a follower of Him...to follow in His footsteps. To be a radical lover. It has turned my life upside down.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened,

so that you will know what is the hope of His calling...

And what is the surpassing greatness of His power

toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:18-19)

Imagine...

2009-05-08T01:17:00.001-07:00

Imagine a world where love is the rule, not the exception.

Imagine a world where beauty takes the place of brutality.

Imagine a world where peace is a reality rather than a dream.

Imagine a world where we are followers of Jesus not only in word, but in action.

Creativity and imagination are characteristics of God that He instilled in us when He "created us in His image." They are incredibly powerful gifts meant to be used to love and worship and glorify our Creator, and bring His kingdom to earth. But throughout history it has been twisted by the devil to be the proponent of so much violence and terror and war and weaponry...so much sick cruelty. How can this beautiful gift from God be used to so brutalize people? We need to take it back; to use creativity and imagination to be radical proponents of love around the world.

Too much of the imagination in this world is used to create violence, while its potential to inspire love lies dormant.

Violence breeds more violence.

War breeds more war.

Violence is never the road to peace.

Jesus says, "Blessed are the peacemakers." To follow Him is to be a peacemaker. To use our creativity and imagination to learn to love...first Him, and then others. Both the oppressed, and the oppressor.

We need to take back and reclaim the tools of creativity and imagination for God's Kingdom...

To make His dream our own.

To imagine the world as He meant it to be.

To create that world within ourselves, and to share it with everyone we meet.

JESUS.

2009-05-03T01:12:00.000-07:00

The more I seek to study God, the more I feel like I have no idea who He is.

The more I read the New Testament, the more I am convinced that the real Jesus would not be permitted to enter the doors of many churches in the world today.

I believe that modern Christendom has so revised and repackaged Jesus that to the majority of Christians, He is not the real Jesus but rather an image that we have created to be able to remain safe and comfortable.

It makes me want to shut myself up in a room, forget everything I "know", and read the Bible from cover to cover to learn afresh who Jesus really is, with no expectations or stereotypes.

The real Jesus wrecked people's lives.

The real Jesus caused people to give up with reckless abandon their comfort and security to become passionate lovers of Him.

The real Jesus made people uncomfortable.

The real Jesus didn't "water down" His message in order to increase His popularity or the number of His followers.

The real Jesus didn't merely speak about His message. He lived it.

I was reading the other day about a man who is afraid to ask God why there is so much injustice, oppression, and violence in the world because he knows God will just repeat the same question back to him. We are His hands and feet. We are His messengers. So why IS there so much injustice, oppression, and violence?

Love

2009-05-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

The Lord has been impressing on me this week the importance of sharing His love with everyone around me. One of the reasons I am so excited to go to Africa is because of the chance to share God's love with His oppressed people. But what about the people I am around now? What about my team mates, the other students in the DTS, the homeless man downtown?

If I love a child begging on a street corner in Africa but am irritated by the cashier at a grocery store in Indiana, than the love I feel for the beggar child is merely an emotion that stems from pity, rather than a genuine expression of the Father's love for that individual. The mere feeling of emotion will have no lasting effect on a person, but an expression of the Father's love has the power to change a person's life forever. Somehow it seems easier to love grimy children in a foreign country than the people we encounter in our day-to-day life in our corner of the world. But if this is true of us, then we are not full of God's love, no matter what we might feel for the grubby child we see on a mission trip that begs to hold our hand. I want to love every individual that I encounter with the Father's love, whether I'm in the sprawling metropolis of Auburn (my hometown), the big island of Hawaii, or a mud hut in Africa.

Sharing the love of God brings the kingdom of God to earth.

Outreach

2009-04-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

Last night our PhotogenX community joined together for an evening of food, fun, and fellowship. And most importantly, our outreach teams and locations were announced! Since we were first told about outreach possibilities a little over a week ago, we have all been seeking the Lord's will, talking with our school leaders about what He tells us, and waiting eagerly for this disclosure.

So, here we have...

TEAM SOUTH AFRICA!!!

Our team is composed of sixteen people of all ages from Canada, Korea, and the U.S. We are united by our mutual passion and love for the Lord, as well as our passion for the nation of South Africa. We will depart for South Africa on June 28 and spend the month of July traveling around in a "bus" (a former army truck) visiting different villages throughout the country. August and September will be spent in Cape Town working with the Voice of the Voiceless ministry.

As I watched our team gather together for the first time, I had an overwhelming sense of the presence of God among us. We come from all different backgrounds and locations, yet God has placed a call on each of our hearts to spend three months serving Him in South Africa. I felt a unique sort of unity among us, binding us together as a family.

I am so grateful to my family and friends (and my awesome church!) for their support and help to make this mission outreach possible. You are all a part of this team, as well! Thank you for your openness to the Spirit of God and your willingness to serve Him.

I know that God is going to do incredible things during the three month outreach, both in the lives of the team members and in the lives of the people to whom we are ministering. I can hardly wait to begin the journey!

Wrong Rights

2009-04-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

"My Maker is my Friend;

His name is written on my forehead,

My name is engraved on His palm."

So, I am being confronted by this issue of surrender on all sides... in my Bible reading, in random paintings I see, in this week's reading for my classes, even in songs coming from the open window of a church as I walk down the beach.

It is a process that God has been taking me through for the last several weeks, and the more I surrender, the more my eyes are opened to other areas in my life that need to be surrendered.

Over the weekend, a new dimension was added to my whole concept of surrendering. I spent Saturday by myself at the beach, soaking up the sun, processing the week's teaching, talking to God, and studying the contrast of the palm trees against the brilliant, vivid blue sky (in-between frequent re-applications of sunscreen...the only part of me that burned was my eyelids). I also read the book assignment for the week, "Making Jesus Lord" by Loren Cunningham (YWAM founder). The central theme of the book is the importance of laying down your rights in order to be able to fully and freely serve God. This goes a step beyond surrendering desires, possessions, etc., to surrendering any rights we feel we have... right to be treated well, right to be happy, right to not be taken advantage of, right to financial security... the list is endless, and, I'm sure, varies from person to person. Human rights are highly emphasized in American society. And I'm not saying it's wrong! One of the reasons I am here is to be able to fight for the "rights" of people being unjustly treated around the world. Holding onto our individual rights is, however, contrary to the principles of God's Kingdom.

As a sidenote... the whole idea that we have rights is slightly amusing when you take into consideration the "whole scheme of things"... We live in a universe that is so immense our minds cannot comprehend it--nor our best scientists and longest telescopes calculate its dimensions. The universe and everything in it was set into motion by a Creator who placed every star in the sky, knows the exact number of sparrows in the world, and will ultimately be the judge of every human. We only live because He "breathed the breath of life" into us. Everything we have, we have only because He placed it on this earth. The most powerful political leaders are mere children at play in comparison to His power and His control over the universe. No matter how much control we think we have over our lives, we never know what lies even five minutes ahead; our entire lives can change in a second. For all this, humans can be fairly egotistical and confident in themselves. I think that our demanding of rights is an example of this.

To be a Christian means to be a "Christ follower". Jesus never asks us to do anything that He didn't do. He was the most selfless individual to ever set foot on earth. He gave up His "right" to a family, a home, a career, financial security, respect, safety, comfort, fair treatment... and ultimately, life (to name a few)! And yet, as well as being human, He was also God. So the God of the universe gave up His "right" to remain in heaven and descended to earth (where he was mocked, persecuted, slandered, and brutally murdered) and then to the depths of hell. As well as giving up His most basic rights, He made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up His life.

He never asks us to do anything that He didn't do.

As a "Christ follower", I want to follow in His footsteps. There are a lot of aspects to this; learning to live a selfless life and laying down my "rights" is one of them. None of us can ever attain perfection, and that, I believe, is not what it's about anyway. It is a process, a day-by-day striving to be continually more like Christ.

For me, right now, "striving to be continually more like Christ" is taking the form of learning to surrender everything in my life and lay down my rights. I feel sort of like an onion, with multiple layers that need to be stripped away. These outside layers keep my "core" (spirit) from being able to fully connect with my Creator in the way that He designed. They keep me from being able to live in the fullness of His presence.

And that is what gets me out of bed every morning: a yearning for His presence.

Surrender.

2009-04-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

How much of myself am I willing to give Him? How much of my life am I willing to lay down for Him?

These two questions have been going through my mind all day. So often we sing about surrender, about giving our "all" to Him. But at the first sign of discomfort and hardship, we all too often turn and run. Jesus didn't promise us a life of ease, He promised to never leave us--to walk through the storms of life with us.

His heart is for the broken ones, the sick, the oppressed, the "least of these", the "invisible" ones that are shunned and hated by this world. And it is for these people that He asks us to pour out our lives.

How will I respond? How will you?

Renewal

2009-04-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

I am feeling better! And there are no words to express how good it is to be feeling better...to be able to stand up without feeling like I'm going to pass out (and then actually passing out), to move without feeling like I've been run over by a truck, to be able to breathe, to be more "tan" colored than "black and blue".

Our classes took a little bit of a different form for the first three days of this week... rather than having a "lecturer" for our morning class times as we normally have, we joined with the other two DTS's that are currently going on and divided up into small groups and read aloud the entire book of Genesis. I have read the book many times before, but reading it within the three days made it a very different experience than any I've had previously. We serve a crazy God! There are many, many events recorded that would make most Christians today very uncomfortable! Set aside some time to scan through the book of Genesis, and I guarantee any box you have placed around God will be shattered.

We had a meeting with our leaders to discuss our outreach, the three-month phase following the three-month lecture phase. The majority of the group will be going to Central America for outreach, where they will spend most of three months in Panama, and then divide into small groups to go to either Cuba, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Costa Rica, or Colombia for two weeks. A main focus of this outreach will be to launch the Spanish version of "Voice for the Voiceless" (a prayer book published by PhotogenX focusing on many issues such as child prostitution, HIV/AIDS, and infanticide). The teams will also spend time with different indigenous tribes located within Panama's dense tropical jungles.

There will also be one team going to South Africa for the three months. This team will spend the first part of the outreach living out of a bus and traveling around the nation to minister in different villages and communities serving through photography, evangelism, etc. They will then team up with the Voice of the Voiceless ministry located in Cape Town and help them in their ministry to communities located around Cape Town.

Please be in prayer for me as I prayerfully make the outreach decision and seek the Lord's will as to what continent He wants to send me to. Since hearing about this DTS, my heart has been to go to South Africa. Part of this is because I am interested in the possibility of working with the Voice of the Voiceless ministry in Cape Town long-term, so this would be a great opportunity to meet the leaders there and get a feel for what the ministry is about. But I also have a heart for the huge need within the continent of Africa, and the thought of being able to get to Africa--any part--is incredibly exciting. There is so much beauty and treasure there within the souls of the people, but along with that there is so much oppression and hurt.

At this point, I think I will probably be going to South Africa at the end of June. But I am open to both outreach locations, and I am praying about it because I want to be sure that I remain in the center of the Lord's will. I'd appreciate your prayers! Please let me know if you feel you have any "words" from the Lord for me regarding this. It is so exciting to think about finishing up the lecture phase and being able to use what I have learned during this time!

Rest.

2009-04-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

I joined the land of the living again today, a little battered and bruised, but feeling better at least. I think I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not hurt. My body is very colorful right now.

I think God is trying to teach me something... like, maybe, to depend completely on Him and on His strength, rather than my own (which I currently have very little of.) But also, the whole concept of rest. I feel like I have been in a heavy storm this past week; it reminds me of a rafting accident I had several months ago when I was sucked underwater and pulled downstream, hammered against rocks and boulders before being pulled out of the water. My body has taken a lot of hard hits this week, but more than that is the feeling of not knowing which direction is up, towards "air", and the helplessness of not knowing what I'll be hit with next and the inability to "fight" my way out of it no matter how hard I battle the waves. I feel like I'm waiting for a strong hand to reach down and pull me up and out of this storm.

Sometimes--when I was rafting, for instance--a hand does come and pull us out of the storm. But other times we are left to ride it out, collecting bumps and bruises along the way. In those times, I think that our only hope is to ride it out at the very center. Every storm, no matter how intense, has a quiet, peaceful place at the center. At the center of the storm, clinging to the Calmer of storms, I know that there is hope. I want to shut my eyes to the pounding waves and jagged rocks and learn to rest in the middle of the storm... but I am still working on that.

2009-04-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

"I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
but there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

in the lone hour of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
my defender, forevermore

and I will praise You, I will praise You
when the tears fall, still I will sing to You
and I will praise You, Jesus praise You
through the suffering still I will sing

how faithful and true
sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth

You're my spring of living water."

-When The Tears Fall (Newsboys)

Stormy Days.

2009-04-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, life is rocky and we think ourselves completely broken. I thought I had rather reached this point, until yesterday, when the sinus infection I've been fighting for a week worsened and I woke up feeling completely miserable. (Yes, it is possible to be in Hawaii and feel so miserable that you can hardly make yourself crawl out of bed...despite the fact that palm trees and beaches and sunshine--not to mention classes--are waiting.) My school leader, Paul, drove me to the doctor where I learned that on top of my sinus infection (and severe sun burn), I have developed bronchitis and my body is completely run down and depleted due to a stressful last few months in my life. So, no exercise or sun exposure for a week.

That's right, I am quarantined from the sun... for an entire week!! The bright side is that I am off work duty for a week so can do what I most feel like doing... sleep.

On our way back from the doctor, we were in a car wreck. The back of the car was pretty well destroyed, but thankfully we were both okay. Lately I had been contemplating the fragility of life and how quickly things can change; this reinforced that truth, and I am constantly reminded of it by the large goose egg on the side of my head.

Moral of the story? There is always more breakage that can happen. Right now I feel like I have no idea what is going on with my life, except that God is still in control... and still, always, more than enough.

I would love to hear from any of you that read this blog... Sometimes this rock in the middle of the Pacific seems way too far away from my family and friends. I wish I could know what is going on with each of you, and how the Lord is working in your life! If you're partial to snail mail, my address is:

Hannah Rexroth

University of the Nations--PhotogenX DTS

75-5851 Kuakini Hwy. #430

Kailua-Kona, HI 96740

Otherwise, shoot me an email at hmrexroth@gmail.com

It would brighten my day... which I need, being that I'm quarantined from the sunshine for a week!

New Beginnings.

2009-04-12T21:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday. Today I am 21. I don't feel any different, but I look at this as marking a new season in my life. With the beginning of a new year in my life also comes the beginning of new relationships, a new love life with God, a new path to follow, new dreams to discover, new stamps in my passport... He makes all things new, and I believe that is His promise to me in this new year of life. I don't know where it will take me, but I do know that He will be alongside me every step of the way, and that is all that matters.

Since I left to come here and do this DTS, I have looked at it as an adventure that I'm taking with Jesus... an adventure with an unknown ending. Yesterday while I was spending time with Jesus, He told me that He also looks at it as an adventure with me, and that He is even more thrilled and excited to have this time with me than I am! That was a bit mind-blowing to me... another step along the journey Jesus is taking me on to understand His heart and His longing for a personal relationship with me, just me and Him.

I feel like its given me some new insight into my life, as well. Jesus never wants me--or any of His people--to get hurt. But we live in a fallen world. And when we do get hurt, He is there to pick up the pieces and craft them into something new and beautiful. There is such incredible depth to the loving, Father heart of God; it goes beyond our comprehension. I feel like I am standing at the edge of a bottomless well that I long to dive into, to drown in.

I have been on a journey of gaining new understanding of the nature of God and His desire to have a relationship with me, but this was a sort of breakthrough for me. Jesus is never the causer of pain, but He is always there with His arms open wide, hoping the pain will cause me to run to Him and allow Him to heal, comfort, and restore as only He can. He desires only good things for His children, but He works through times of brokenness and pain to restore the heart to His original plan for it, intimately connected to His.

I never imagined that I would spend my twenty-first birthday in Hawaii, photographing sea turtles on the beach. It was like a birthday present from God. At the end of the day, my friends took me out to Bubba Gump's for ice cream. Afterwards as I was flying along the coast on the back of a moped, listening to the waves crash against the rocks, I experienced an example of what my--and any--adventure with God should look like. He wants me to fly with Him, to close my eyes and cling to Him, letting Him lead and trusting Him implicitly. He wants me to soar, on His strength.

Hakani

2009-04-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

We discussed in lecture this morning the issue of child prostitution and the selling of children into the sex trade. It made me cry; how can anyone in this world be so sick, so perverted? Each of the millions of children are so precious, so beautiful, so loved by the Father God. He holds them so close to His heart; He wipes each tear; He longs to hear them giggle and play like the little children that they are. I am undone by the sick things being done to God's little ones around the world.

Another issue we have examined--and an issue that PhotogenX is heavily targeting--is that of infanticide. I heard the story this morning of Hakani, a baby girl born into a remote indigenous tribe in Brasil. She was the first girl, after four boys, and the family was overjoyed at her birth. But as time passed it became clear that she was not developing normally. As is customary in this particular tribe--and so many other tribes--the parents were told to kill the child. They knew it had to be done, but could not bear to do it. They committed suicide to avoid taking their daughter's life. Hakani was taken by the villagers to be buried alive. She was hit on the head with a shovel so she was unconscious, but as she was thrown into the hole and covered with dirt she woke up and began to scream. Her older brother could not bear to hear her cries and unburied her from her grave, running with her in his arms to their grandfather's hut. The grandfather said that the girl must not be permitted to live, so took out his bow and arrow and shot her. The arrow missed her heart and went into her shoulder instead. They decided to let her live, but they would give no care or attention to her. She lived outside the hut under a banana leaf and dug insects out of the ground to eat and drank when it rained.

When Hakani was five years old, she was near death and her brother dropped her off at the doorstep of a local missionary. She weighed 15 pounds. She didn't look human.

When the missionaries found her, they placed her in a hammock and prayed over her body all night. At 5 a.m. they went to bed, feeling there was nothing more to do. When they awoke, she was lying in a mess larger than her body of insects, dirt and worms that has passed through her system. They began to feed and care for her, slowly opening her heart to love. It was months before they were able to actually touch her. Doctors said she would never walk or talk; it was a miracle she was even alive.

Years have passed; Hakani is now a healthy young teenage girl that cannot stop laughing, singing, and dancing. She is a miracle; she is one of thousands of infanticide victims that was spared. She has brought the issue of infanticide to worldwide attention and debate. For more information and to see photos of Hakani, visit www.hakani.org

Her name, Hakani, means "smile." She is a beautiful, precious child that nearly had her vibrant life snuffed out.

This is the heart of PhotogenX--to give a voice to the children of God (of all ages) that have no one to fight for them.

These are the things that break His heart; these are the things that concern Him--not the size of a church or the style of worship or the "cool, hip" youth group. My prayer is that He will speak to the church, to open their eyes to what is going on around the world. We are Christians--we are His works to be active in bringing about change in our world. Begin to ask Jesus to break your heart over the things that break His. And be prepared to share the raw pain that He feels for the abuse of His precious little ones.

Unaware.

2009-04-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

"I am free at last,

unaware of my fears,

unaware of my shame.

Nothing else matters here,

but glorifying your name.

Unaware of everything,

Knowing you're aware of me.

Tell me how I got here,

I couldn't make it on my own.

Just tell me I can stay,

'cuz it feels so much like home.

And I lose all track of time,

When I look into your eyes.

Your love is all I know.

I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be,

if you weren't there to call my name,

and rescue me."

I did not write this, although I feel the words are my own. It was a song that played in the prayer room (my new favorite place on campus) today. Jesus is beautiful; when I stop speaking and simply rest in His presence and allow Him to speak to me, I am overwhelmed.

Destiny.

2009-04-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

For any of you who have been wondering whether I'm actually at a missions/photo training school or just chilling at the beach... CLASSES STARTED TODAY!!

For the next three months, my days will follow a similar schedule: BIble/missions training in the morning, work duty in the afternoons (yay, recycling!), and photography training in the evenings. I woke up this morning full of excitement to dig into the "meat"--to begin exploring the richness of God in the course material laid out for us over the next three months. Each week will have a different area of focus. The focus for this week is learning how to recognize and hear God's voice.

As I was sitting in lecture this morning, I was contemplating hearing God's voice, the times when I have clearly heard God's voice, and the times in the past when I have been desperate to hear from God and received no response. The times I have most sought to hear directly from Him is when I am seeking direction for my life.

What God wants most from me is relationship. For my whole life, I have been concerned about my life purpose and somehow "missing" it... From a young age, I read stories of heroic, nation-changing men and women who fulfilled an earth-shattering destiny for God. I grew up asking, "God, what is my destiny? What am I going to do with my life? Why am I here on earth?" I have been terrified at different periods throughout my life of missing out on my destiny. But Jesus' answer to that question is, "Seek me." His heart cry is for intimacy with us, His people. So often people run around busying themselves doing the work of God. But they miss out on the most important thing, and God's greatest desire for them--relationship.

This thought came to me as a great relief, because always worrying about "missing" God's purpose for me is stressful!! But if I am passionately pursuing intimacy with Jesus, then I cannot miss His plan for me--I will be leaving it day by day. Intimacy is the key, and everything--guidance, direction, future plans, answers to questions, etc.--stems from that. Rather than being concerned about finding and fulfilling God's "huge" destiny for my life, I need to be consumed with passion for my relationship with Jesus. God will lead me into my destiny, step by step, as I am in a place of constant worship. It may not all make sense; it may look like we're jumping off a cliff into a vast unknown, it may look like life is taking a series of steps that lead nowhere, or creates a maze (like the view from "down below" rather than a plane window). But he will faithfully direct each step, and give me the next piece of the puzzle in His time. All I need to do is worship, and rest in His present. And keep walking. We can never just stand; when we are moving, God can lead us and even redirect us if we are going the wrong direction. But if we stand still, we get stuck in place... like a little goat I used to have who's hooves got stuck in the mud (he later died of bloation).

Jesus does have a destiny for every person. But that destiny could be doing high-profile work that will effect nations for generations to come, or it could be wiping a tear from the face of one of His hurting child that no one else sees, or it could be serving a mission base by collecting and sorting mountains of recycled products, as I will spend my afternoons doing for the next few months.

I have a mail address now and would love to hear from you!

Mail can be addressed to the following:

Hannah Rexroth

University of the Nations-photogenX DTS

75-5851 Kuakini Hwy. #430

Kailua-Kona, HI 96740

the TRUTH of it all.

2009-04-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

Before Jesus left the earth, He said to His disciples, "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot hear them now. But when He, the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into ALL the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of Mine and will disclose it to You." (John 16:13-14). Jesus' heart is SO full to speak to us. He longs for us to know all truth. He yearns to share the innermost parts of His heart with us. Jesus went on to say that He was for this reason sending a Helper to share all truth with us. One of our privileges as followers of Christ is to walk in and know His light and truth. The Holy Spirit longs to commune with us, to speak truth into us, to be invited to fully invade and inhabit every part of our being.

The devil often uses life events to bring us out of the reality of God's truth and fill our mind with lies--lies that, if bought into, will cause us to forget our true identity in Christ. We have the right to claim that, to live in His identity! He left His place with God to come to earth and die to give us the possibility of that reality--membership of the Heavenly Kingdom and an earthly life lived in His presence, with the Holy Spirit as our guide and teacher. How it must grieve Him when we fail to walk in His truth and instead buy into the lies the devil tries to ensnare us with to take our eyes off Christ. The key, I believe, to guard against the devil's lies is to be always in His presence. Things that are of the devil cannot abide in God's presence. His presence cloaks us, cocoons us in His truth. And when we are walking in His truth and light, we are able to be fully effective for the Lord because we are not hindered by the lies the devil tries to use to limit our effectiveness. Well, that is my thought for the day. Hawaii continues to be beautiful, and Jesus continues to always be more than enough.

Aloha!

2009-04-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

Aloha from Hawaii! I stepped off the plane in Honolulu and was embraced in one of my favorite things on this earth... sunshine! After smacking myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming and hugging several palm trees, I headed to the YWAM University of the Nations campus, my home for the next three months. There is beauty to be found in every part of this world, I know, because it is all part of a masterpiece created by the Master Creator. But to me, nothing is as beautiful as palm trees, warm breezes, and ocean waves. Located on high ground, the YWAM base overlooks the ocean and its 45-acre campus is filled with palm trees (I am mesmerized by every one I encounter), tropical flowers, and fragrant flowering trees. Being that it is Hawaii, everything is open... including the classroom and the cafeteria; and even our dorm rooms have only slats in the windows. It is wonderful.

Perspective

2009-04-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

"This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

-Phil. 3:13-14

I've always marveled at the view from a plane window. Up there, I can see all the way to where the earth blends into the horizon. Everything makes sense... the layout of cities, the nicely plotted squares of property, the roads weaving and winding to connect everything.

But the people "down there" have a severely limited view, trapped within what can often seem like a nonsensical maze (at least to me, and my hopeless sense of direction!).

Out of a plane window everything looks peaceful, almost surreal. As I stared out my window at the thousands of miles of desert, mountains, and houses passing below, I began to wonder what was the reality of the people whose lives I was getting a glimpse of from above. What fears, worries, and challenges do they face that they feel hopeless to rise above? Every person has a story; some may be happy, while others wonder where to find the courage to face another day. What if they could look at their small plot of life--surrounded by endless expanses of land--from my view from a plane window far above? To be able to rise up and see it all from a different perspective changes everything.

I contemplated that as I crossed the mainland, because with Jesus, it is possible for that to be our reality--to view things from above, through His eyes, from His perspective. When we are in His presence we rise above the reality of the natural world and enter the reality of His kingdom. Heartache, fears, challenges--everything seems so small and insignificant in His presence. They fade away. They cannot abide in His presence. I want His reality to be my reality.

Hawaii is beautiful! I am exhausted, but perfectly at peace in the knowledge that I am exactly where God would have me... on a rock somewhere in the middle of the Pacific...

My heart's desire for these next six months is that the Lord would continue moment by moment to fuel my desire, passion, and love for Him. I want living "above" the natural world and seeing things from His perspective rather than my own to be a lifestyle, rather than an occasional relief.

redirection.

2009-03-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we think we have life figured out.

Sometimes, we think we know the path our lives should take.

Sometimes, we are so confident in ourselves and our life direction that we quit clinging to God and cling instead to the "securities" in our lives.

And then, sometimes, God steps in and wrecks it all.

That is the place I am at in my life right now, and it is the best place I have ever been.

Since the beginning of time, God has liked to make beautiful things out of broken things. Consider, for instance, the Biblical Esther, Ruth, Daniel, Job, Paul... all were first broken before their "self" was out of the way enough for God to have room to move in and put them on the path that would lead them to fulfill their beautiful, God-designed destiny. He never leaves things broken, but the brokenness is a necessary step to sculpt and reshape the person into a strong, whole, pure vessel that can be a testimony of God's kingdom, power, and love.

Recently, the Lord has brought me through a time of brokenness to redirect me onto a new path. On April 2, I will be leaving Indiana to complete a YWAM PhotogenX Discipleship Training School (DTS). The school combines photography with missions and teaches students how to use photography as a tool to open doors for evangelistic ministry and as a change-agent to give a voice to the voiceless.

I will spend three months at the YWAM base in Kona, Hawaii studying the Bible, missions, and photography. Following the three months of training, I will embark on a three month outreach to either Central America or South Africa, where I will use my camera as a tool to minister, evangelize, and further God's kingdom on earth.

I have always had a desire in my heart to help people groups that are being oppressed, ignored, or denied a voice. I pursued a career in journalism, never really considering that this "call" on my life might lead me to full-time mission work. However, as I look back on the last few years of my life it is obvious that God has arranged every detail to bring me to the place where I currently find myself. After completion of the DTS, there are numerous opportunities for further involvement with YWAM. At this point I don't know where the Lord will lead me at the end of my outreach in September, for now He has just given me the "next piece" to the puzzle.

It just so happens that the "next piece" was a seeming impossibility that He has turned into reality. When I first felt Him leading me to consider the DTS--two weeks ago--I didn't think there was any way I would be in Hawaii on April 2. I had missed the application deadline, didn't have a camera, didn't have sufficient funds to cover the training, etc., etc., etc... God miraculously worked out each of those details. He has proved to me over and over that He is always more than enough, for any need, and I know that He will continue to meet my every need as I follow Him and His direction for my life.

Please keep me in your prayers as I get ready to leave on April 2. I am still trusting the Lord to provide $6500 for my mission outreach. If you feel led to join me in my mission work as a financial supporter, donations can be sent to:

Church of the Cornerstone

P.O. Box 743

Auburn, IN 46706

Nothing is more exciting than to be at the center of the Lord's will, and I can't wait to embark on this journey to see what He will do over the course of the next six months.

Un Otro Mundo...

2008-07-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

Poverty in Nicaragua is much more widespread than it is in Costa Rica. I spent the day in Candelaria, a tiny village near Chichigalpa. I went with a group of humanitarian workers from the U.S. who live in Leon and spend almost ever day in Candelaria with the villagers. They are in the process of building a medical clinic and a soup kitchen, and they have a two-acre garden where they train villagers to grow produce for the village. Even though the growing conditions in Nicaragua are so good, the people have no knowledge of how to plant or maintain a garden. Their staple food is rice and beans, which forms a good protein but does not provide the body with enough nutrients.

Opportunities here are even more limited than in Costa Rica. None of the women are educated, but then, the men aren't, either. Most of them never even leave the village, so they have little idea of what even exists outside of their world.

...Nicaragua...

2008-07-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Getting a Nicaraguan stamp in my passport was more difficult than I anticipated. I was swindled by a money changer and attacked by a drug dog... but it's a very nice stamp.

I was standing in line at customs when a drug dog appeared out of nowhere and lunged at my backpack, clawing at it with his paws. Two members of the Nicaraguan drug police force pulled me aside and dumped the entire contents of my bag, only to have to try and fit it all back in again. I am not, of course, a drug smuggler, but it would seem, from my limited experience, that the Nicaraguan police force--or at least, the border patrol--takes things more seriously than do their Costa Rican counterparts.

I arrived in Leon, the second largest city in Nicaragua, in time for the festival celebrating Nicaragua's freedom and revolutionist Daniel Ortega. Throngs of people were gathered in the town square singing and waving flags. A thick cloud of smoke hung over the square from fireworks and cannons. The celebration lasted for hours... I never saw such a large display of patriotism in Costa Rica, probably just because I wasn't there at the right time. But after only a short time here, I would say that the difference between Nicaragua and Costa Rica is quite distinct.

Cultura Roja

2008-07-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

On my way to an assignment the other day, my taxi driver pulled me from my daydreams to alert me to the fact that we were driving through the red light district. "Never come here," he said. "Never even step outside of a car here."

I have been to the red light districts in most of the countries I have been to, but this one will definitely stand out in my memory. Prostitution is huge in Costa Rica since it is legal, especially among gay transvestites. But on this particular street, the prostitutes were middle-aged women whose bodies were ruined by drugs and years of selling themselves. It was the middle of the day, but they still lined the street, many of them strung-out and leaning up against buildings looking like they could hardly stay on their feet. There was nothing sensual or attractive about them, just the hard cruelties of life portrayed on their skin and in their eyes.

I was talking to someone about the area, and was told that in some places you can see men of all ages lined up to wait for their girlfriends or wives to "get off work." I couldn't believe this--what type of man would allow his wife or girlfriend to sell her body as her daily work? This seems to go against the "protective" and "territorial" nature of men, especially the overly-jealous Costa Rican men.

A Woman is a Woman, No Matter the Clothes...

2008-06-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

Last night, camera in tow, I attended my first Spanish language play. The play, called “Entre Nos” (between us), was an hour-long dialogue between two women who happened to sit by each other in a park. One was a homemaker and mother of two boys, looking bedraggled and tired in a worn mumu and large, coke-bottle glasses. The other was a short-tempered, haughty, and stressed-out business woman dressed in a suit that seemed more like a straight jacket. The crux of the play was the realization by both women of the many things they had in common: hobbies, concerns, their sex lives, etc. In the beginning of the play, the business woman very blatantly looked down upon the homemaker as not having a “real” job and being out of touch with the times. But as the play continued, it became obvious that she was near the point of a nervous breakdown and that deep down, she was not all that different from the homemaker in her sloppy clothes.

I found it very fascinating how both women were portrayed. The one seemed to be a ditzy, “simple” woman with no life outside of her husband and children. The other character, her opposite, was portrayed as a woman trying her hardest to fit into a man’s world and failing miserably because in actuality, she was no different from the housewife: she was a woman.

The play was humorous and garnered lots of laughs from the audience, but held a distinct message beneath the comedy—that of the role of women in Costa Rican society. The role of the housewife was looked down upon and subject to some mockery, however the role of the business woman was also treated with mockery, as that of someone trying to enter a world where they do not belong. The things that these women had in common—their concerns about their health, body image, and sexual relationships—bound them to their femininity and prevented them from being able to fully succeed in the men’s world, even if they tried, as the business woman did.

I left the theater wondering whether any of the Tica women felt debased.

Macha...

2008-06-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

I spent this morning sitting in the Legislative Assembly in a long row of all-male Costa Rican journalists looking through a glass panel into a room where a woman was supposed to testify before the council. Needless to say, I stood out, and the press pass hanging around my neck received a lot of curious scrutiny. As I work as a photojournalist in the city, I have gradually begun to recognize familiar faces among the “prensa” (press) at the various press conferences and events I cover. There are two female photographers that I frequently see and, of course, the TV reporters always have pretty female faces along to stand in front of the camera, but the majority of journalists seem to be older men with reporters’ vests, old-fashioned notebooks, and facial hair.

 In Costa Rica, journalism is still a male-dominated field. Which is why, perhaps, I am so frequently called “little blonde girl” and subject to great scrutiny.

Piropos

2008-06-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

Walking down the street to the sound of hissing is not something I am accustomed to experiencing in the U.S. But in Costa Rica, it is a daily occurrence

Soon after arriving in San Jose, I learned the meaning of "Piropos." The word comes from an old tradition when people would walk around the city in the evenings, the men and women going in opposite directions. The men would try to come up with clever sayings to say to the girls they were trying to impress. Today, they are basically pick-up lines muttered by Ticos to women in passing. Some are flattering, others are insulting, and many are just crude.

My first assumption was that if my experiences on the street were shared by Costa Rican women, they must be annoyed every time they set foot outside of the house. But I've found that you eventually get used to it and it becomes a part of the other background noise... cars honking, vendors yelling, etc. And from talking to women down here, it seems to be something that is almost expected. I've had women tell me that if they leave Costa Rica and go to the U.S., they feel like something must be wrong with them because of the lack of hissing, catcalls, and piropos. They are made to feel ugly by the silence.

Mi Ojo de Vidrio...

2008-06-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

I am, occasionally, a klutz. Not because of anything to do with my hair color, but because my mind is so often elsewhere. But it's always in important places so I don't consider this a bad thing... although it does make my life somewhat challenging at times.

Like last week, for example, when I fell into a hole.

Or yesterday, when I collided with someone and fell into a bush.

Or today, when I spilled ammonia in my eye and nearly lost my eyesight. At least, it felt like I did. The fact that ammonia was in such close proximity to my eye is in itself a slight cause for concern, but it's a widely-accepted fact that extreme boredom can result in slightly irrational behavior.

But back to my eye... Think of what it feels like to get shampoo in your eye. Now multiply that times 1000. That's what it feels like to get ammonia in your eye. The result of my klutziness didn't feel good, but at least it looks pretty. It left me with an "ojo de vidrio" (eye of glass). It's bright red and has a sort of sheen to it, like when you have a high fever.

And not only do I have a pretty ojo de vidrio, but it's an ojo that is still capable of seeing the world. Que dicha!

Varying Degrees of Coldness

2008-06-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

My transportation bill for the week thus far racks up to $85, an enormous sum considering that bus rides cost approximately 40 cents and taxi fares range from $2-5. But I've been all over this city--and back again--to cover doggy makeovers, construction sites, and everything in-between. Considering this, when I once again hailed a cab early this morning to head out to a neighborhood on the other side of the city where the rich folks live, I was tired, stressed, and not in the mood for another taxi-driver conversation, especially with this one, who was putting my life in danger by staring at me in the rear view mirror rather than the road. But he failed to pick up on that vibe--or more likely, didn't care--and, after ascertaining that I had a boyfriend, he launched into a dialogue about how Latin men (specifically Costa Rican men) are the most faithful men in the world. Not only this, but they are the best in bed, as he would be willing to prove to me if I wanted.

When I refused his offer, another dialogue commenced, this one complaining about how "cold" American women like myself are. "I tell you what type of lovers we are and offer to show you, and you don't even care," he said. "You are so cold!"

An hour later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car driven by a real estate agent I had just taken photos of for a story. She was a very gracious Tica woman and was going out of her way to help me by driving me to shoot a home for a different and unrelated assignment, thus saving me another unattractive taxi fare and conversation. Morning traffic in San Jose is insane, and when we stopped behind a long line of cars at a traffic light, a street vendor approached the car. Vendors that stand in the middle of the street and attempt to sell products to drivers are common here, but some make a little more of an impression than others. The man crouched down and stared in my window for a few seconds before leaning forward and kissing the glass, a prolonged and very wet kiss that left the full print of his lips on my window.

I was feeling a little awkward at that moment, being that I was in a complete stranger's car--a car that now had a detailed print of a set of lips on the window. He probably thought that my lack of response was exceedingly cold, and if so, he would be as misinformed as the taxi driver. And, in my opinion, both need to redefine their definition of coldness.

Love or Enslavement?

2008-06-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

The 26th chapter of the book analyzes 5 popular Costa Rican love songs, all of which, according to the book, "uphold the myths about the womanly personalty--dependent, self-sacrificing, sentimental, and submissive--and about the loss of female identity."

Some of the lyrics are as follows: "He destroyed my soul, my being, then he left" ... "With my pure love I will protect you. It will be an honor for me to devote myself to you" ... "In my head, you are the only one, nobody else" ...

The book says that love differs between Costa Rican men vs. women. For men, it is just one more "activity" in life, whereas for women, it means the loss of her entire identity and her self as an individual.

I think that the truth of this varies greatly from situation to situation, however in general, I think it has some truth to it. I am living with a Costa Rican couple here in San Jose. The husband is a 48-year-old taxi driver, and the wife is a 53-year-old homemaker. They have been married almost 30 years... they are very religious, and seem to have a good relationship. From the day that I moved in here three weeks ago, I "assumed" that he was different than so many of the Tico men in that he was actually faithful and committed to the marriage. He is kind to his wife and occasionally helps with the housework, when he is actually home (his taxi job keeps him on the road at all hours.)

But today I found out that he has a 7-year-old son with another woman. Apparently, the relationship is an ongoing thing: he often is gone for several nights in a row, "working," and then works all day... there is only a certain amount of time a person can function well without sleep, and he is definitely no superman. It seems very obvious, yet so accepted... At first I was surprised that his wife has stayed with him, but as I thought about it more, I realized she doesn't really have a choice. She has no education, no money of her own, and no driver's license. She has three daughters and two grandchildren, and her entire life is devoted to her family. So she goes through life pretending that her husband isn't keeping two families simultaneously and spends her days cooking, cleaning, and then falling asleep in front of the TV. She rarely leaves the house, but has nothing to leave for. She has a family--a man that provides for her, and daughters--but without them, her life holds nothing.

Women in the Workforce

2008-06-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Working as a photojournalist in the city, I have the opportunity to visit and observe numerous businesses, organizations, and political offices. Although I know that there are women who hold high positions, I have not observed this. The women I have seen hold either secretarial or janitorial/housekeeping positions.

Today I went to the Casa Presidencial to photograph a press conference held by President Oscar Arias. A new telecom agreement was being signed, so a panel of several governmental figures--including Arias--was present. I was slightly surprised to note that there was not a single female among the group.

When I was working as a journalist in Washington D.C. last fall, I attended similar types of press conferences, and although men were normally the majority, there were almost always females as well.

I was discussing this with with Ana, the Costa Rican woman I live with, and she said that women are definitely an important part of the workforce--more than they ever have been before, although this is a relatively new development. One of the key things that she identified in enabling women to hold important positions is their ability to get a masters' degree.

Despite this, I think that the belief that women belong in the home is still somewhat common, especially in some areas. As Costa Rican feminist Eugenia Lopez-Casas writes, "To be a woman means housework... it is a woman's destiny." (The Costa Rican Women's Movement, Chapter 15)

Power and the Church

2008-06-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

A major hindrance to the success of feminist goals--especially the fight for the right to vote, but continuing with modern issues--is the Catholic Church. Their vice-like grip over the minds of the people can be stronger, even, than the government's power.

I was discussing this with a fellow American who has lived in Costa Rica for a number of years, and one way that the church's opposition is seen today is in the area of sex education. This is also an example of how the church and the government can be at odds. While the government is advocating sex education in the schools in an effort to curb the growing rate of teenage pregnancies and STDs, the church stands in strong opposition to this. In a previous post, I mentioned the numerous teenage pregnancies I have observed in the city, and the number of young, single girls with children. This is what the government is trying to target by implementing sex education programs, however the church's hold over the country is presenting a problem, just as it did when women were fighting for the right to vote.

Feminism in Costa Rica... A Brief History

2008-06-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Feminism and the fight for equal rights had a slow beginning in Costa Rica. In its earliest days, it entailed women joining with men in protests to safeguard institutions from which only men would benefit. An example of a key woman who did this is Pancha Carrasco, who joined the Costa Rican army as a cook in 1856. Refusing to be bound to the limitations placed on women at that time, she left the kitchen to go into battle. She became a hero in the Battle of Rivas; however, no where is she mentioned in historical documents, although her heroic deeds were confirmed by veterans of the battle.

Pancha led the way to the birth of feminism that would, eventually, succeed in gaining more rights for women.

The right to vote came in 1949, after a long and hard battle fraught with numerous setbacks. Since that day, the feminist movement has focused on other goals, as is noted by Yadira Calvo Fajardo in the book, "The Costa Rican Women's Movement". Fajardo writes, "The goal is no longer one of voting or not voting. What we are insisting is that we shall make our mark, in whatever field we choose to do so."

2008-06-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Working as a blond-haired, blue-eyed girl in this country never gets boring. I have had the opportunity to work as a professional in both the United States and here, and I feel that I am viewed differently in both societies. Talking with other female colleagues in my Costa Rican newsroom, I have found that difficulties in getting good interviews with male Ticos is something we all share. Over lunch the other day, one reporter said, "I feel like I just can't get any good quotes out of them. Later I'll read something in another paper and think, 'Why wouldn't he say that to me?!'"

Something that I find odd--and rather annoying--is that when I'm on assignments, men frequently try to find me a seat. "Give the girl a chair. Let the girl sit down." I don't need to sit. In fact, I don't want to sit down. I'm a photographer--sitting in one place inhibits my ability to do my job.

The men are very friendly--sometimes overly so, taking opportunity to kiss me on the cheek, which is common in some Latin American countries, but not Costa Rica. But I never leave an assignment feeling that I was related to as a working professional. Occasionally if I am working with a male reporter, they assume that I am his girlfriend--despite the fact that I have a monster camera around my neck.

Things like this make me think that professional working women are not yet common enough here to be viewed as normal.

2008-05-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

As my time in Costa Rica nears three weeks, I have made an observation that I find fascinating...

Although women have much greater freedom and rights now than they did in previous centuries, there seems to be a cloud from the past hanging over modern Tica women. The rate of teenage pregnancies is very high, and from what I have seen, a trend among Costa Rican girls seems to be to have one or two kids at a young age--with or without a father present in the home--and then "get started" with life, and whatever career that may or may not involve. There does not seem to be as much expectation for Tico men to be faithful or committed to a family and raising kids as there is in, say, the United States. I've heard from several people that fathers typically tell their sons, "You can't expect to sleep with every woman in the world...but you have to at least try." Growing up with this sort of chauvinistic mentality does not encourage young men to commit to a family, however Costa Rican women seem to accept this fact and make the best of it.

Strange Lands, Strange Tastes...

2008-05-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

As I was walking down Avenida Central this morning, I stopped by a street-side vendor and bought a small bag of freshly-cut mangos for 300 colones (60 cents). The vendor pocketed the money and pointed to a bag of white powder, telling me to put it on the fruit I had just bought. “Necesitas sal,” he said. (You need salt.) I assured him that I did not want salt on my mangos, but he refused to hand over the bag until he had thoroughly doused the fruit with salt, insisting that I would like it. As I continued down the street, I reached to the bottom of the bag to find an unsalted slice. Unfortunately for my taste buds, the vendor had salted each layer of fruit as he filled the bag. The result was… mouth-puckering.

Pineapples and Professionalism

2008-05-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

The screech of metal against metal rang in my ears as I flew like a bird through the rainforest, attached by a cable to lines that ran for several kilometers through the trees. Today was by far my coolest assignment yet. Two hours zip-lining through the rainforest under the hot tropical sun, and fresh pineapple and watermelon slices awaiting me when I got back to the park lodge to interview the guides and shoot a few last photos.

This assignment also provided an interesting glimpse into the Latin American culture and “machismo”…

Before embarking on the zip-line tour, I briefly interviewed a female receptionist about the business and the tours. “They are well-trained and very professional,” she said, referring to the male guides who led the zip-line tours to make sure that the tourists were securely fastened to the cables and to rescue anyone who got stuck between platforms (which occasionally happened to me, because of my light weight.) A short time later, I was standing with the reporter on a platform between zip-lines listening to one of the guides describe in great detail the beauty of a particular flower below us, and then compare it to the “superior” beauty of his penis. Regardless of the situation, they seem to have to flaunt their mascunlinity. Professionalism is subjective, I suppose, and when applied to Latin males, takes on an entirely new meaning...

Bienvenidos a Tico Land!

2008-05-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

I stepped out of the airport and was engulfed in a wave of hot, sticky air. Blaring horns, screaming drivers and animated conversations blended into a cacophony of noise that sounded similar to what I expect a family of monkeys arguing in a rainforest to sound like.

Welcome to San Jose.

2007-08-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Grüß Gott! My two weeks in Deutschland are coming to an end... two weeks full of new experiences, new friends, exposure to a new world. I am living in Ostendorf, a tiny village in Bavaria near the Black Forest. Under 400 people live here, and it was kind of a shock coming here from Paris, a city of 7 million... took some getting used to. I experienced a strange sort of loneliness when I arrived, just because of the strangeness of it... I walked down a cobblestone street lined with red-roofed cottages and rose gardens, and wondered, "Where is the world?" But I have come to love it here. It is like something out of a fairy tale book. Children run barefoot through fields and old, wrinkled Omas spend hours tending their gardens. On a good day, castles can be seen on the distant mountains, their towers piercing through the fog. They are simple, hard-working peasant people who take joy in the most simple things of life.

So... on to new lands. I am embarking at 3am tomorrow on a 15-hour train ride to Bavaria, northern Germany, Belgium, and finally, my destination, Amsterdam. I will spend 4 days in the city of cannabis and canals before once again being a homeless person on the streets of Paris. I like my life.

2007-07-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

I think it´s wrong to leave a culture before having experienced it at literally every hour of the day... which I have done in Paris. I can´t say which is my favorite... things are a little fuzzy when I try to find my way back to my bed at 4-6 a.m., but I love the hours right before then. I also like the afternoon/evening... 2 different crowds, both captivating. And of course, night is when the city truly becomes the "City of Lights", a name for which it is so famous... Mornings are a little slow, but a good espresso helps shake off the post-night fog. And it can be quite entertaining to watch the store owners open up their shops. I would probably enjoy the Parisian mornings more if I didn't have to wake after only a couple hours of sleep and run through muddy streets to catch the metro and make it to class on time, rainsoaked and cold...

But sleep is for the dead.

2007-07-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

I gave my sister a ¨tour¨ of the Louvre yesterday... it was actually more fascinating to me this visit. I was even slightly more impressed with the Mona... not that I was necesarilly unimpressed last time, but...well, after all the hype, she is maybe not quite as spectacular as one would guess.

Only one more week of classes...it´s gone so fast, crazyness. I will probably stay in Paris for a couple of days after school ends to make some cash (busking) before I move on...and enjoy one more weekend in Paris ;)

Well, I´m off to the Montmartre and then the Seine. Good day for fotos...

2007-07-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to explore the Butte Montmartre and somehow ended up in the Pigalle area... a different side of Paris, to say the least. The good thing about it was that one of the guys that approached me offered to point me to Montmartre... the bad thing about it was that ¨pointing¨ wasn´t enough and he ended up spending the afternoon with me, proposing in 3 languages, and claiming a permanent spot for his arm around me shoulder.

I´ve decided against the Camino and am touring Germany, France and Benelux instead... I´ll get to see 3 new countries that way.

Bastille Day in the city was amazing... hundreds, seemingly thousands, of people from all over the world gathered on the lawn behind the Tour Eiffel beginning in the early afternoon, and remaining until the early hours of the morning, drinking, dancing, making new friends... The firework display behind the eiffel after dark was awesome. But one of the highlights was definitely the metro ride back, with most of the city trying to cram into the metros..

2007-07-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

The world is a strange place sometimes...so huge, and small at the same time, connected and utterly unconnected.. I love my current location though and wish I could stay here... for the sake of my poor language skills, I think I need to.

So; evidently Parisian cops dont like it when travellers jump into the metro pit... I learn something new every day. Sometimes I look around and wonder if I've mistaken my location and am actually in England... It rains all the time, and I'm ready to see sun again. Over the weekend I went to Chartres--it was beautiful, despite the rain.

I went busking for the first time today, setting up with my penny whistle on a street corner under the Tour Eiffel. I think the rain was actually a good thing, as people seemed to feel sorry for me. Anyway, I made 37 euros and was quite pleased.

I'm trying to decide what to do with my 3 weeks after classes end here-- walk the Camino de Santiago (basically, backpack across spain) or backpack through Germany, Amsterdam, France, and Luxembourg with a couple friends...tough decision all the way.

2007-07-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Some sounds are the same in every culture... a laugh, a cry, children playing... But so many sounds are distinctive and unique to each culture, and the language is only one... A Costa Rican loudly advertising his "pinas por un euro" in a Parisian metro presents an odd cohesion of two vastly different

cultures, but it is that way everywhere you look here and somehow they all manage to complement each other.

I had my first french class today, along with tripping over a beggar on the street and learning how to roll a cigarette...

2007-07-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

Paris rocks. I am a student at the Cite´ Universitaire de Paris with hundreds of other students from all over the world. I´ve had my life saved by an Arabian man and my soul saved (attempted) by an Australian.

After spending a day and a half in France, flunking a placement exam, and getting repeatedly lost, I am eager to begin studying the language. Not knowing French locks me out of the culture and forces me to keep my mouth shut, which I hate. But I guess that´s why I´m here...

I learned one word today: pomme (it means apple). Oh, and of course, glacier...