Love or Enslavement?

The 26th chapter of the book analyzes 5 popular Costa Rican love songs, all of which, according to the book, "uphold the myths about the womanly personalty--dependent, self-sacrificing, sentimental, and submissive--and about the loss of female identity."

Some of the lyrics are as follows: "He destroyed my soul, my being, then he left" ... "With my pure love I will protect you. It will be an honor for me to devote myself to you" ... "In my head, you are the only one, nobody else" ...

The book says that love differs between Costa Rican men vs. women. For men, it is just one more "activity" in life, whereas for women, it means the loss of her entire identity and her self as an individual.

I think that the truth of this varies greatly from situation to situation, however in general, I think it has some truth to it. I am living with a Costa Rican couple here in San Jose. The husband is a 48-year-old taxi driver, and the wife is a 53-year-old homemaker. They have been married almost 30 years... they are very religious, and seem to have a good relationship. From the day that I moved in here three weeks ago, I "assumed" that he was different than so many of the Tico men in that he was actually faithful and committed to the marriage. He is kind to his wife and occasionally helps with the housework, when he is actually home (his taxi job keeps him on the road at all hours.)

But today I found out that he has a 7-year-old son with another woman. Apparently, the relationship is an ongoing thing: he often is gone for several nights in a row, "working," and then works all day... there is only a certain amount of time a person can function well without sleep, and he is definitely no superman. It seems very obvious, yet so accepted... At first I was surprised that his wife has stayed with him, but as I thought about it more, I realized she doesn't really have a choice. She has no education, no money of her own, and no driver's license. She has three daughters and two grandchildren, and her entire life is devoted to her family. So she goes through life pretending that her husband isn't keeping two families simultaneously and spends her days cooking, cleaning, and then falling asleep in front of the TV. She rarely leaves the house, but has nothing to leave for. She has a family--a man that provides for her, and daughters--but without them, her life holds nothing.