Grace.

I have never sat still for a few hours and simply thought about grace. But yesterday, I did.  During those few hours I laughed, I cried, I wondered, I imagined, and I felt rather like a child who one day realizes that he has failed to completely unwrap a gift given him long ago, tearing off only enough of the paper to see what is inside, but stopping before reaching the treasure. 

We have been saved by grace alone. 

All that is asked of us is to lay down our lives at the feet of the King. 

Grace.

A free gift that is so often not freely accepted. Why? It is a gift of forgiveness, of life for eternity in place of death and punishment. Why do we struggle to add something more to it, or say that it is not enough? Why do we continue to walk with a head hung in shame when God has cast our sins as far as the east is from the west and made us into a new, blameless creation?

Grace. It is the greatest gift we have been given, and so many of us barely unwrap it. 

Grace. It is the gift of life as it was meant to be, lived in intimate relationship with our Maker. Pure, raw, radical, supernatural, life-changing grace that was won by a journey that led from the light of heaven to a bloodbath of brutality to the depths of hell and back again. 

Grace. It is a gift that was won by the ultimate sacrifice, but a gift that is freely given if we will only believe, unwrap, and step into the new life it makes possible. 

To cling to feelings of failure or inadequacy or shame is to insult the sacrifice made at the cross. It is a scandalous gift that changed the course of history. It is our only hope of salvation, but it is more than that. It is the key that unlocks the door to a life of relationship and freedom and power and raw, radical love. It swings open the door between us and our Creator and bridges the chasm between. It gives us a glimpse of His power and love and nature that is more than enough to cause us to run hard after Him for all of eternity. 

A single glimpse, and life is changed forever. 

A single glimpse, and we are wasted for anything but loving Him with all our lives.

A single glimpse, and laying down our lives becomes a joy.

To try to add to grace takes away its power to truly and radically transform our lives, because the essence of grace is its complete sufficiency. It is enough. It has no need for further striving or works on our part. It requires us to humble ourselves and accept it freely, admitting that we are incapable of attaining salvation by any amount of merit or good works, humbling ourselves at the foot of the cross and looking with all of our strength to Jesus... for only when we take our eyes fully off of ourselves will we be able to put them fully on God and understand the depth of the wonder and possibilities given us through grace. 

THE BUG.

This blog post is not about God or photography, nor is it related to anything that I usually write about. 

It is about a very big bug. 

Last night I was sitting on my bed after a very long photography class, working on my laptop, when I felt the sheet on my bed moving. I looked over, and a cockroach of extraordinary size scurried past. 

I am accustomed to cockroaches of extraordinary size jumping out from unexpected places when I am sorting garbage for campus "recycling". It is a garbage dump; they belong there. But in my bed? No.  

Normally my bed is bug free, although since arriving in Hawaii I've shared my bed with spiders, fleas, mosquitos, and a variety of OUBs (Other Unidentifiable Bugs). It's not that big of a problem, I can share my space. 

BUT. 

Cockroaches are on an entirely different level. They come in a variety of sizes, but this one was four inches in length, from antenna to end. You would probably be unable to imagine in  your mind the sort of creature I am trying to describe, so here's a picture of a similar cockroach.

They do not make good bedmates.

All in all it's not really a big deal. I will be a missionary whether or not there are cockroaches in my bed. 

But, I'd prefer to be a missionary without cockroaches in my bed. So as you get into your own bed tonight, I'd really appreciate it if you'd take a minute to pray that God would keep the cockroaches out of mine.

Reason for Existence.

Jesus continues to shatter my passive existence on a daily basis. 

The other day I was thinking about how nothing that I am feeling or going through in my day-to-day life changes the reality of who God is for me or His lovingkindness to me or my relationship with Him. 

He is constant. 

Unchanging. 

Always faithful. 

He says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." If I feel disconnected or distanced from Him, it is because I have distanced myself from Him by focusing on what's going on around me. As a result, I lose sight of reality--my reality with my Maker. He has chosen me, He chooses me every moment of every day. He loves me, and longs for me. That is reality. Reality is that He is always with me, even when I mess up or get distracted by what is going on in my life. He never leaves. I can always rest in His presence, even if I feel overwhelmed with life or like I can't stop messing up. Those are the times I need to cling to Him the most, rather than pull back and feel like I need to straighten things out on my own before I can approach Him... I need to focus on the reality of me and God in constant relationship. Everything else is just a shadow; an apparition that fades in the reality of the presence of God and His love for me. He is not looking for people who have it all together, He is looking for people who will keep choosing Him. 

I cannot do it on my own. 

I need Him. 

But, that's how He designed it to be. 

He created me to be in relationship with Him every day of my life. He wants to complete me. He wants to be strong where I am weak. He wants to fulfill me. He wants to be the one that I cling to... all the time, not just when things are good. He wants me to cling to Him in my sin, in my hardships, in my struggles. He wants us to be one, inseparable. He wants me to lose myself in Him. 

Updates...

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of learning and busyness and vog and photography and Jesus' life-changing presence... and I have been lax in updating. I cannot believe that the half-way point of the DTS lecture phase has come and gone--the days are flying by. Only a short time ago I had no intentions of moving to Hawaii for three months to be trained with YWAM, but I thank God every day for the events that changed the direction of my life path and brought me here. Sometimes it is in the most unexpected happenings of life that we look back and see the fingerprints of God most clearly. One of the characteristics of God that I have been contemplating lately is His jealousy. I don't think it is a characteristic of God that is examined or discussed very often, but I am so grateful for the evidence of it in my life. 

Over the weekend, our PhotogenX community traveled north a couple of hours to Maka Pala for two days of teaching, relationship building, fun, and (my favorite part) a reprieve from the food on base. 

Gekkos are one of my favorite parts of Hawaii. And there were lots in Maka Pala!

PhotogenX 2009 DTS Community

Beginning this week, our lectures will focus on preparation for our upcoming outreach and future mission work. Whereas the first six weeks were focused "internally" on building our personal relationships with Christ and gaining freedom in our lives, the final six weeks will focus on ministering "externally" to others. 

Our departure date has been finalized for June 25, and we will arrive in Cape Town on June 27. Our first thirty days of outreach will involve an overland trip around the country, ministering in different villages as well as working with hospitals, youth programs, building projects, church planting, etc. My outreach fees are due on May 28--it has been so encouraging to see the Lord's provision thus far. I am still trusting the Lord to provide $3400 by May 28, and would appreciate your prayers as I prepare to have several fundraisers on base later this week. God's faithfulness has brought me this far, and I am confident that He will see me the rest of the way through. 

One of my favorite parts of the DTS lecture phase has been our book assignments. These have been an awesome supplement to our lectures and given me a lot to think about as I am seeking to know Jesus for who He really is. I thought I would post our book list, for those of you who are interested...

-Is That Really You, God? (by Loren Cunningham)

-Making Jesus Lord (by Loren Cunningham)

-Irresistible Revolution (by Shane Claiborne)

-Living Together (by Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

-Sex God (by Rob Bell)

Passivity.

"We were made to live with hearts set on fire, 

exhilarated with the reality of God in our lives."

-Kristin Williams 

In some parts of the world, the forces of darkness are observably in action, and more visible in everyday life than they are in our society. However, I believe that there is a deadly disease spreading through the modern western church, and its invisibility is what makes it so destructive.

Passivity.

Passiveness is so deadly to the Christian's life. It creeps in unawares, and renders a person completely ineffective for the Kingdom.  Not only this, but it robs us of the relationship we were created for: a relationship with hearts set aflame with love for our Maker. 

Where the work of the enemy is not clearly visible, "cozy" Christianity thrives. The enemy seeks to infect the lives of Christians with passivity, causing them to settle for "cozy" Christianity that appeases their consciences and gives them assurance of salvation, but keeps them from waking up to their destiny as radical followers of God. Western society is a breeding ground for this seemingly invisible tactic of the enemy. 

We live in a society where comfort and security are emphasized above all else; we like things to be tangible, so I think we (the church, broadly) have created an image/idea of who Jesus is that we can grasp...an image/idea that enables us to remain passive and live a safe, comfortable life without feeling guilty. We want to have Jesus and a comfortable, secure life. But I am thinking that they are opposites... and we cannot serve both God and mammon. Jesus was a homeless man. He spent His time with the poor, the prostitutes, the sick, the people looked down on by society... He was scorned by the "righteous" people of the day who lived comfortable lives of passivity... and He had some pretty intense things to say about them, what with comparing them to "white washed sepulchers" and such. He was a gentle radical, understood by fools but an enigma to the wise. He was opposite of what everyone expected...and, I think, maybe opposite of the image so many Christians think He is. 

The issue is not about having homes or careers or wealth... it is about allowing passiveness to prevent a follower of Christ from stepping out in action to be a radical lover and servant of God. Jesus needs people who are willing to die to themselves so that He can live and be glorified through them, both in the suburbs of the western world and the slums of Mumbai. He does not promise followers a life of comfort; on the contrary, He instructs them to "crucify" their flesh, give up their hold on worldly security, and surrender everything in order to pursue Him with reckless abandon. 

"If you are living a Christian life that makes sense to your mind, 

then you are not living the Christian life."

I feel like I am waking up from a hibernation that I did not even know I was in, and now am literally starving for more of Jesus. More of His presence. More of His truth. More of His love. I am consumed by a desperation to discover the real Jesus, and to know what it means to be a follower of Him...to follow in His footsteps. To be a radical lover. It has turned my life upside down.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, 

so that you will know what is the hope of His calling...

And what is the surpassing greatness of His power 

toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:18-19)

Imagine...

Imagine a world where love is the rule, not the exception.

Imagine a world where beauty takes the place of brutality.

Imagine a world where peace is a reality rather than a dream.

Imagine a world where we are followers of Jesus not only in word, but in action. 

Creativity and imagination are characteristics of God that He instilled in us when He "created us in His image." They are incredibly powerful gifts meant to be used to love and worship and glorify our Creator, and bring His kingdom to earth.  But throughout history it has been twisted by the devil to be the proponent of so much violence and terror and war and weaponry...so much sick cruelty. How can this beautiful gift from God be used to so brutalize people? We need to take it back; to use creativity and imagination to be radical proponents of love around the world.

Too much of the imagination in this world is used to create violence, while its potential to inspire love lies dormant. 

Violence breeds more violence. 

War breeds more war. 

Violence is never the road to peace. 

Jesus says, "Blessed are the peacemakers." To follow Him is to be a peacemaker. To use our creativity and imagination to learn to love...first Him, and then others. Both the oppressed, and the oppressor.

We need to take back and reclaim the tools of creativity and imagination for God's Kingdom...

To make His dream our own. 

To imagine the world as He meant it to be.

 To create that world within ourselves, and to share it with everyone we meet. 

JESUS.

The more I seek to study God, the more I feel like I have no idea who He is.

The more I read the New Testament, the more I am convinced that the real Jesus would not be permitted to enter the doors of many churches in the world today.

I believe that modern Christendom has so revised and repackaged Jesus that to the majority of Christians, He is not the real Jesus but rather an image that we have created to be able to remain safe and comfortable. 

It makes me want to shut myself up in a room, forget everything I "know", and read the Bible from cover to cover to learn afresh who Jesus really is, with no expectations or stereotypes.

The real Jesus wrecked people's lives.

The real Jesus caused people to give up with reckless abandon their comfort and security to become passionate lovers of Him. 

The real Jesus made people uncomfortable.

The real Jesus didn't "water down" His message in order to increase His popularity or the number of His followers. 

The real Jesus didn't merely speak about His message. He lived it. 

I was reading the other day about a man who is afraid to ask God why there is so much injustice, oppression, and violence in the world because he knows God will just repeat the same question back to him. We are His hands and feet. We are His messengers. So why IS there so much injustice, oppression, and violence? 

Love

The Lord has been impressing on me this week the importance of sharing His love with everyone around me. One of the reasons I am so excited to go to Africa is because of the chance to share God's love with His oppressed people. But what about the people I am around now? What about my team mates, the other students in the DTS, the homeless man downtown?

If I love a child begging on a street corner in Africa but am irritated by the cashier at a grocery store in Indiana, than the love I feel for the beggar child is merely an emotion that stems from pity, rather than a genuine expression of the Father's love for that individual. The mere feeling of emotion will have no lasting effect on a person, but an expression of the Father's love has the power to change a person's life forever. Somehow it seems easier to love grimy children in a foreign country than the people we encounter in our day-to-day life in our corner of the world. But if this is true of us, then we are not full of God's love, no matter what we might feel for the grubby child we see on a mission trip that begs to hold our hand.  I want to love every individual that I encounter with the Father's love, whether I'm in the sprawling metropolis of Auburn (my hometown), the big island of Hawaii, or a mud hut in Africa. 

Sharing the love of God brings the kingdom of God to earth.